Fauci Flowers may face extinction in wake of hasty legislation
New laws that allow for relaxed mask wearing may lead to the flower’s demise. But it’s hard to say. People seem intent on living in fear.
Over the past couple of years, a lovely new type of flower has been cropping up all over the place here in Washington State. Seldom seen in the past, this flower suddenly began blooming in sidewalks and roadways, in trees and peoples’ yards…and especially on school playgrounds! Areas where children play seem to provide the perfect fertile soil for these mostly single-petal flowers to grow.
I did some research and here’s what I found out. Its scientific name is fib-icus tyrannicus, commonly known as the Fauci Flower. Recent changes in the climate led to the perfect conditions for it to thrive. It flourishes in areas where fear exists in heightened degrees, mainstream media is still consumed by a good number of the population, and where SNL is still considered to be funny.
In my personal observation, it may like blue states better than red states, but I should probably do a double-blind randomized trial before I get political. That’s the gold standard, you know.
New laws that allow for relaxed mask wearing may lead to this flower’s demise. But before we change all the conditions that have led to this flower’s surprising upsurge, we should look at the situation from the point of nature.
I’m just concerned that sea turtles will miss them as snacks. And what about the Orcas? What will they put over their blow holes now when they come up for air in the Puget Sound? Governor Jay Inslee really needs to carefully consider all these angles. How will our marine animals protect themselves from Covid? As you know, Covid has been found in many animals. Sadly, though, the majority of these animals are antivaxers! It’s maddening. And they absolutely refuse to quarantine.
Considering that many of us have grown really fond of the Fauci Flower and the fact that wildlife have no better way of keeping themselves safe from Covid, maybe we should keep wearing masks forever and throwing them out the window every time we need a new one. Honestly, there’s nothing like sticking your head out the car window and feeling the wind rip the mask right off your face at 70 miles per hour. It’s invigorating.
I guess if the flower does actually go away, I honestly won’t miss it much. All I’m saying is that we should consider all aspects before we make snap decisions to stop a policy that isn’t working. That’s all I’m saying. And if we don’t start the fight against speciesism now? When?